Golf Poem In My Hand I Hold A Ball, White And Dimpled, Rather Small. Oh, How Bland It Does Appear, This Harmless Looking Little Sphere. By Its Size I Could Not Guess, The Awesome Strength It Does Possess. But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell, I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell. My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same, Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game. It Rules My Mind For Hours On End, A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend. It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry, I Hate Myself And Want To Die. It Promises A Thing Called Par, If I Can Hit It Straight And Far. To Master Such A Tiny Ball, Should Not Be Very Hard At All. But My Desires The Ball Refuses, And Does Exactly As It Chooses. It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies, Even Disappears Before My Eyes. Often It Will Have A Whim, To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim. With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land, It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand. Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul, If Only It Would Find The Hole. It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup, And Swear That I Will Give It Up. And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow, But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow. A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud. Almost feel like a hybrid. :rockon:
I remember the night Johnny Carson was interviewing the wife of Arnold Palmer. He asked her if she did anything special for Arnold to give him luck before a tough match. She replied "I kiss his balls." Johnny: "I'll bet that makes his putter stand on end !"
Carson was pretty funny for a golfer allright... Just got through watching the US Open. Lucas (who?) Glover won fair and square. Mickelson made a valiant but futile effort. David Duval appeared out of nowhere to tie for 2nd. Wild ride, though not as mesmerizing as last year's Rocco vs Tiger showdown. Here's a golf poem I wrote for my daughter...
Just imagine what sort of mileage your average college student gets! It's probably closer to EV range...
I don't know, the ones I know drink an awful lot and don't do much walking. I'd rate them up there with a Hummer.
