My son is able to connect to the car (2021 pp)and warm it up via phone, when I try I get a cannot connect error. Also, when I try he has to then reauthenticate again using a code sent to my phone. Is this typical? Can four people control the car with 4 phones? Seems like a pretty normal use case.
Are you both using the same username and password for the Toyota App? I can use either my iPhone or iPad interchangeably. I have a 2018 Prime Advanced if that makes any difference. I use the same credentials on both devices.
Disclaimer: My car is 2021 PP Ltd equipped with Remote Connect telematics hardware, but I opted out of the service. And I have no intention of using the Toyota App. That being said, I hope Toyota App has security measures to prevent two people (or devices) from connecting to the car simultaneously. It sounds like at least when someone or devices different try to connect to the car, it sends the two-way notification message to the original registrant's phone. This is good and it should be done that way. The fact another phone (your son's in this case) can be used to connect but not yours means there is something wrong with the Toyota App installed on your phone. Either app or phone hardware configuration.