I hate "all hands meetings": 3x longer than they need to be long list of don'ts contract is doing very good, management thanks you in lieu of pay or bonus any questions? Bob Wilson
Then there's the "kick-off" meeting, just the title rankles... I've got a hat from one project I was loosely associated with, it says "35% engineering complete" milestone had been reached. I wear it proudly.
Bob, it's 'morale' with an e One possible response is a pie chart of project revenue showing the proportion wasted on unproductive meetings. Slip that into the the Kahuna's ppt. Having confirmed that your name is not in 'properties' as 'author' Other readers may suggest more creative disincentives..
"Communicating" gems: Taking 3-4x as many mealy mouth words to share a simple thought. (Less is best) Reading the chart lines to literate people. (We read the chart already) Implied threats with ambiguous thresholds. (Thought police because we think) "Any questions?" (Issue raised three charts earlier ... Cue the brown-noser) Yet it is so easy to fix: Bowl of hard candy and veggies, small napkins, no plates, near seats. Speakers must have a short joke, factoid, - it gets folks in a listening mode. Behind audience, a count-down clock with monitor showing chart. Take questions during talk giving only short answers as time permits. Speakers hang around exits greeting folks until everyone else leaves. Follow-up email with questions and answers. Bob Wilson
Ages ago, in my previous company, one of the program managers was quite a humorous guy. On every single slide, he'd have a funny picture related to something on the slide. And, he threw in a fair amount of jokes. I asked him where he got the pics from. He said Yahoo Images (this was in the early 2000s). I told him that if he were ever out of a job, he could have a career doing stand-up.
1. Meetings should last no longer than one hour (MAX!) 2. All attendees shall be provided with an agenda at least one day in advance. 3. Remove all chairs from the room to keep people from getting too comfortable. 4. Individual PowerPoint slides should be no more than 6 bullets per slide and no more than 6 words per bullet. 5. If the presenter reads directly from the slides, kill them () - they are obviously not prepared. 6. All attendees should leave the meeting with at least one action item. If not, then they shouldn't have been invited in the first place. 7. Always bring a buzzword bingo sheet to any meeting, if only to keep you alert.
my own business partner, and president of the company was so bad at running a meeting, we bought him a gavel as a joke. he didn't get it. loved to hear himself talk. yes, i still love him, more so, now that we sold the business.
My manager is one of the worst when it comes to tangents and unrelated stories. He will change a subject with a story and bring others in on the conversation. I sit there tapping my foot because, well, I figure it's a career-ending move to shout, "shut the Hell up and get back on topic so we can get the Hell out of here,"
So today we had a tornado drill. Ok, I'm good with that only I've learned that when a tornado alert is likely, let your boss know, "I need to run an errand to the lab" and do not return. Bob Wilson
Our fire drills were jokes. They were announced ahead of time "so people wouldn't panic". Before the scheduled time we'd all get ready & stand around. As soon as the smokers were out the door they lit up. A group of us agreed that if the building really were on fire we'd leave like bats out of Hell and convene at the bar in a nearby restaurant. Change the names and change the dates. It's the same everywhere. I wouldn't be surprised if someday a coroner writes "boredom" on a death certificate. One engaging speaker in 35 years. I forget who he was but he was from the entertainment industry.
When I was in the Canoe Club and a humble government contractor thereafter, we had "Death by PowerPoint." Since moving to Big Bell years ago I've discovered that................. All of our meetings are accomplished via conference call. Wonderful!!! Marvelous!!! Simply go on speaker and mute the call. I've accomplished hours and hours of internet shopping, PC surfing (like now!), gadget research, taken restroom breaks, eaten lunch, etc. The Presenter drones on and on blissfully unaware that most of the audience is blissfully semi-aware. Best. Office tool. Ever.
In a related vein, a previous workplace became enamored with "Six-Sigma" stuff. (e.g. sort of a no defects concept on steroids.) Striving for 6-Sigma became the senior management cheer. One really good thing came out of it. One of my cohorts found an old Westinghouse Analog Meter with a scale reporting from 0 to 10. He engineered a random number feed circuit that would vary the meter output to always be between 6 and 10. He put the meter at the door to his cube. He put a big label above the meter calling it a "Sigometer". When asked about anything six-sigma he asked what was number the meter was reporting. When told something like 7 his answer was he was exceeding 6 sigma, no further discussion needed. Bob - Use your imagination. Come up with something similar whether it is a BS-o-meter or something else.
