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Just as an update, I picked up a battery from the dealership today, replaced it with the help of those awesome suggestions, and was up and running...
Thank you so much for the quick and helpful responses! I've definitely checked all three fuse boxes, and the fuses in them, but more...
Alright, so I'm in the middle of a power failure of some sort with my 2004 Prius. This morning I started up fine and drove the car down the block...